Written in ’09
Life is funny. It is as if everyone in the world is continually holding up a mirror towards each other. Each mirror is imperfect and distorts the reflection. And 99% of us look at the mirrors of other people and use the reflection of ourselves to better view ourselves. We receive many different reflections and we choose which images of ourselves to agree with. From those images, we make a composite image, and that image becomes the way we see ourselves. That self image (ego), becomes the thing that determines the relationship we have with ourselves. And that relationship is the basis of all our other relationships. As kids we build our image from the reflections of people we look up to like teachers, friends, but most importantly parents (or guardians). We begin to take on their view of us as our own. If they see us as ugly, we start to see ourselves as ugly. Naturally, we try to contort ourselves so that we look beautiful in their mirror. That contortion makes us even more uncomfortable, and over time we realize that it is not working and we feel hopeless, powerless, and empty. So we turn to things that can distract us from the undesirable image we hold of ourselves. Those things tend to be self-destructive, because deep down we are trying to destroy ourselves, the self we don’t like.
Naturally we tend to gravitate towards people who confirm our views of ourselves. If someone has a different view of us we tend to distance ourselves from them. That may be the reason we unconsciously repeat the same cycle, and end up in the same types of relationships.
Now knowing this, I choose to ignore every reflection, even the image I hold of myself. I choose to trust in my existence, and not to reach for evidence in everyone else’s broken mirrors.